Sandy's Journey of Faith: Good Riddance!

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Good Riddance!

My Daily Bread Devotional this morning told the story of some organizers bringing a huge shredder into Time Square so that people could shred their bad memories. Participants shredded pieces of paper with the words "the stock market" or "cancer." One person shredded a e-mail from someone that was hurtful.

This reminded me of something Rachel's youth group recently did. They wrote their hurts on a piece of paper and gathered together around a bonfire. They threw their pain and sorrows into the flames, and then proceeded to worship God, the only One who can make all crooked paths straight.

When I think of what I would like to burn, it would probably be "impatience", or "speaking before I think." Those things make me cringe and I wish that they did not happen. It is funny, I don't wish my journey of cancer to not be a memory. What has been the most challenging, has also been the greatest time of growth for me in my relationship with God. To wish it had never happened would never be on my lips because I have seen God's mighty work in my life, my family, and people from all over. A matter of fact, I forgot to say that one of my greatest gifts is to read YOUR notes to me on this Blog. What a joy and gift to know that God is still working and valid through this ministry He gave me.

During this Christmas Season, two precious friends lost a parent to cancer. Do I wish that cancer was not upon us causing such destruction? Yes! Do I wish that my cancer would be healed by my mighty God? Yes! How horrible it is that we all lay fear to this disease that has touched so many. Because we live in a fallen world, we have disease and pain that sometimes feels impossible to bear.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." 2 Cor 12:9

When we are burdened, we want the pain to be taken away. These burdens effect our relationships and outlook on life. The apostle Paul wanted relief from his suffering, but God never took it away. Instead, He gave Paul the grace to live with it. Jesus wants us to cast all our cares on him (Peter 5:7) because He truly loves us.

I know this truth. I can attest to what Paul was feeling. Sometimes the thought of what my cancer is doing inside of my body causes me fear, and I just want God to take it away (now!). It would be so easy for Him. Yet, I have also found peace and hope and transformation through this journey. Sometimes the darkness was so thick, I did not know if I would see light again. I did. Only through the scripture and my deep faith that God would never leave me alone or leave me hanging. These are all promises for you too. Whatever your darkness is, Jesus can be the light to guide you out.

Often times New Year's Eve is a moment when you realize you can't get time back. You can't stop time, you can only look ahead and use future time wisely. Sometimes we are especially thankful when a year comes to a close; sometimes we don't want it to end. As we pack away decorations until next year, we should not pack away Christmas and the reason for the season. Don't forget the purpose of Christmas is for all year long. Celebration, Salvation, and Reconciliation can be ours. It would be wise to put these great gifts on our goal sheet and give them attention and thought. What a great gift we have been given in Christ Jesus!

Happy New Year,
Sandy

The Salvation Prayer

This prayer is an example of what to say to Jesus when you want Him to come into your heart. It is a humble statement between you and God that recognizes that we all fall short of being good enough to face God on our own. Jesus had to pay the price for our sins so we could come before God pure and blameless. You don't need to clean up your life before you pray this prayer. Jesus will come in and help you draw close to him.

Lord Jesus, I need You. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life and receive You as my Savior and Lord. Thank You for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Take control of the throne of my life. Make me the kind of person You want me to be.

My Journey (Revised 07/12/13)

Romans 8:28 says that in everything, God works for the good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

This is often a tough verse to swallow. We see our life falling down around us due to finances, broken relationships, or disease, and it becomes difficult to trust that God can work through these trials if we look for His purpose and trust in Him. There are times when it seems impossible for God to work anything for the good because things are so bad.

I was diagnosed with cancer in April 2007 when I had a stiff neck that would not go away. For four months I tried chiropractic care, massages, and stretching to try and loosen the knots that were all over my neck and down into my upper back. The stiff neck made sense to me because we had moved into a new house and I thought I had strained something.

Four months later I could not stand the pain any longer. I went back to my trusted chiropractor and he sent me to have an MRI. It was through that test that he saw something horribly wrong. My C5 vertebrae was gone, and my neck had collapsed! He called my husband and I into his office and told us the news that would change our life. There was some type of disease in my neck. He suspected that it was metastatic breast cancer.

We contacted City of Hope, and they asked me to get a bone scan. My life plunged further into darkness when the test came back showing lesions all over my bones. Several tests later, a small tumor in my breast was found, and I was officially diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic breast cancer. It is incurable.

My family decended into the valley of the shadow of death. It was a dark and painful time, and all of our lives changed forever. However, it was during that time God revealed His purpose for me. I have cherished my relationship with God all of my life. Because I had a spiritual foundation, when the bottom of my world dropped out from under me, I had a loving God to catch me. In many ways I feel that God had prepared me for this battle my entire life.

We shared the news with more family and friends, and the prayer support was amazing. I visualized the "switchboard in heaven" completely lit up with prayers for me. We tried to keep up the communication with everyone via e-mail, but a better solution came to mind.

On the eve of my surgery to repair my neck at City of Hope, I started a Blog, and called it "Sandy's Journey of Faith." Little did I know that this was the gift and ministry that God had been training me for. It started with us giving updates, and then turned into a forum in which I could share my faith as I walked hand in hand with Jesus through this trial. Jon would sometimes be a guest writer, and we were getting lots of interest and encouragement from everyone to keep it up.

I am still in awe that I can continue to write and share the ups and downs of living with cancer in such a powerful way. God uses our technology for His glory. I am just the typist, but God is the true writer of this Blog. There are often times when I wake up in the middle of the night (when it is the most quiet) and just start writing something that God has placed on my heart. It is a humbling journey to know that the God of this Universe cares about my Blog, and can use it.

I am forever thankful for the brilliant, and compassionate doctors at City of Hope. I trust them to do what is necessary to give me a good quality of life. My cancer journey has been a roller coaster of chemotherapy, radiation, surgeries, and on going treatments. I believe that God brings doctors into our lives to help us, but He is the ultimate physician, and I have seen miraculous healing as well.

My journey still involves metastasized cancer. God has His reasons for not healing me, and I have learned that His road for me is better that mine. Through it all, I have grown personally closer to Jesus, and I have seen miracles in the lives of people around me that are better gifts that the healing of cancer. When a loved one comes to know this amazing and loving God that I worship, my cancer journey is worth it.

There are hundreds of promises that God has made to those He calls His own. My favorite promise is from Hebrews 13:5 "I will never leave you or forsake you." I can say, without hesitation, that God has never left my side throughout this journey of mine. Sometimes the answers have come slower than I would have liked, and often times not in the way I would have envisioned, but God's love is constant and unconditional.

God has taken a broken vessel (me), and has shown His light through the cracks. I am humbled and thankful that you took time to read this Blog. I pray that it has inspired you to seek out a relationship with the one who went to the cross so that you can be free. Jesus makes promises, and He never breaks them.

-Sandy Boulware

Prayer for Salvation

There is not specific prayer that needs to be prayed word for word. It is just a humble statement between you and Jesus as you recognize all that He did because of His love for you. You don't need to clean up your life before saying this prayer. Jesus will help you find a way, through faith, to draw closer to Him.

Lord Jesus, I need You. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life and receive You as my Savior and Lord. Thank You for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Take control of the throne of my life. Make me the kind of person You want me to be.