Ok, so this one has been on my heart for awhile. Michelle has asked me this question 3 times, so I must not be giving her a very good answer. I will admit that she usually asks the question in response to something happening that she doesn't understand. (Sandy falling in front of her. Sandy going in for surgery. Sandy telling her about the cancer in the first place.) The nice thing about being 7 is that you just go ahead and ask. I sense some of you are asking too? I sense it in your hugs. I sense it in your cards. I sense it in your emails. I sense it when we make eye contact.
I used to think that the hardest question I'd ever be asked was when Sandy would ask me, "Do you think I look fat in this dress?" As every man who is reading this knows, that is the biggest "no win" question of all time. If you say, "No dear, you look great", the woman thinks you are lying and just being nice. If you say, "Well, you could lose 5 pounds", it's game, set, and match! Every man has a different coping strategy. Once, I pretended to be speaking in tongues, and I went screaming and running out the door. Once I started talking about the 1949 Redsox and Ted Williams and Bobby Doerr, and I went running out the door. The common denominator here is running out the door. Now that she has lost a lot of weight from the surgery and pain medication, she has yet to ask me that question. Go figure?
Unfortunately, when your 7 year old asks, you do your best to answer it truthfully so that her mind doesn't imagine things, but not so truthfully that it scares her. It's a difficult tightrope to walk. The truth of the matter is that you just don't know. You feel in limbo all the time. At the moment, there are 7 or 8 drugs that can keep the cancer at bay and give a good quality of life. The approach is to use the best of them for as long as they are working. Eventually they won't be as effective and you'll need to switch to another one. By the time you have gone through the 8 drugs, research may have come up with 5 more. Someone told us there has never been a better time to have breast cancer. I'm not sure I agree with that, but a lot of money and energy are being poured into breast cancer and prostate cancer research. Organizations like The City of Hope, Avon and The Susan G. Koman Foundation are making a huge difference. As early as 1995 there wasn't a lot of options available. A lot of you out there feel helpless and want to know how you can help. Support organizations like these, and make a donation when you get a chance. I may even run a marathon or two in the next few years, and I'll be sure to hit you up for a donation. In the meantime, support Valerie Sedor and Carol-Lee Marshall who are walking the Avon 2 day walk in the fall.
I hope all of this doesn't sound too flip. 18 months or 18 years, we still have a very big God. We have the option of a miracle. Non believers don't feel that they have this hope. When I see Sandy's courage and faith through this, I feel very sad for them. I can't imagine going through this without that faith. I am very proud of Sandy. After Michelle's questions, I'll settle for the "Do I look fat in this dress" questions all day long..............
Jon
