Sandy's Journey of Faith: Cleansed by the Grace of God

Thursday, June 7, 2007

Cleansed by the Grace of God

Hello Again,

I took my shower today, and it really was the best shower ever! My Mom and my friend Cindy Axton took digital pictures of my incision on the back of my neck so that I could see. No wonder I am feeling stiff and achy. Yikes!

My appetite is slowly coming back. I ate a lot of fruit today thanks to the Schlichtings and Ornelas Families that sent a wonderful edible bouquet of fruit. We had a wonderful dinner provided by Valerie Cruz and family. Love the cookies!

I recently finished a book that was sent to me by the author, Vicki Quirarte, who happens to be a childhood friend. The book is called "Worth the Wait" and talks about the times when we have to wait on the Lord. The scripture that is the theme throughout the book is:

Isaiah 41:31 Those who hope (or wait) on the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

It is hard to wait on the Lord sometimes. I would like the discomfort to go away immediately. I would welcome immediate healing, and I believe in a big God that can make that happen. I start to think ahead about radiation and the anti-estrogen therapy which I will face in the weeks to come. All of these thoughts make me anxious for God to reveal his plan and show everyone what a great God we have. Yet, God is calling me to wait on him and take one moment at a time and savor his mercy and grace that is sufficient for only right now. Vicki talks about that there is something beautiful in the wait when we truly stop and listen to the voice of God. I believe I have experienced those moments. They come with the mailman and the many cards of encouragement and love. This blog has been a huge blessing and it lifts me up to read about the prayer and petition that is being offered up to God on my behalf. It is truly humbling. I feel like a broken vessel who has no right to be sitting on the mantel for God. I said that recently to someone, and they gave me the most beautiful vision. She said, "God's light shines the best through the cracks and holes of a broken vessel."

Since I was an early teen, my favorite verse in the bible has been Matthew 5:16 Let your light so shine before men, that they will see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven. I have prayed for years that I would be refined and made useful on behalf of God's kingdom. I would still open my mouth when I shouldn't, and my tongue has embarrassed me on more than one occasion. Yet, here I sit in disbelief that God could actually use me in a way I never would have dreamed. I am sure I would never have had the guts to go through with it had I had the choice, but oddly I would not change it now that I am here. God has revealed himself to me in ways I never dreamed. He is in control and definitely worth the wait!

God Bless,
Sandy

The Salvation Prayer

This prayer is an example of what to say to Jesus when you want Him to come into your heart. It is a humble statement between you and God that recognizes that we all fall short of being good enough to face God on our own. Jesus had to pay the price for our sins so we could come before God pure and blameless. You don't need to clean up your life before you pray this prayer. Jesus will come in and help you draw close to him.

Lord Jesus, I need You. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life and receive You as my Savior and Lord. Thank You for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Take control of the throne of my life. Make me the kind of person You want me to be.

My Journey (Revised 07/12/13)

Romans 8:28 says that in everything, God works for the good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

This is often a tough verse to swallow. We see our life falling down around us due to finances, broken relationships, or disease, and it becomes difficult to trust that God can work through these trials if we look for His purpose and trust in Him. There are times when it seems impossible for God to work anything for the good because things are so bad.

I was diagnosed with cancer in April 2007 when I had a stiff neck that would not go away. For four months I tried chiropractic care, massages, and stretching to try and loosen the knots that were all over my neck and down into my upper back. The stiff neck made sense to me because we had moved into a new house and I thought I had strained something.

Four months later I could not stand the pain any longer. I went back to my trusted chiropractor and he sent me to have an MRI. It was through that test that he saw something horribly wrong. My C5 vertebrae was gone, and my neck had collapsed! He called my husband and I into his office and told us the news that would change our life. There was some type of disease in my neck. He suspected that it was metastatic breast cancer.

We contacted City of Hope, and they asked me to get a bone scan. My life plunged further into darkness when the test came back showing lesions all over my bones. Several tests later, a small tumor in my breast was found, and I was officially diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic breast cancer. It is incurable.

My family decended into the valley of the shadow of death. It was a dark and painful time, and all of our lives changed forever. However, it was during that time God revealed His purpose for me. I have cherished my relationship with God all of my life. Because I had a spiritual foundation, when the bottom of my world dropped out from under me, I had a loving God to catch me. In many ways I feel that God had prepared me for this battle my entire life.

We shared the news with more family and friends, and the prayer support was amazing. I visualized the "switchboard in heaven" completely lit up with prayers for me. We tried to keep up the communication with everyone via e-mail, but a better solution came to mind.

On the eve of my surgery to repair my neck at City of Hope, I started a Blog, and called it "Sandy's Journey of Faith." Little did I know that this was the gift and ministry that God had been training me for. It started with us giving updates, and then turned into a forum in which I could share my faith as I walked hand in hand with Jesus through this trial. Jon would sometimes be a guest writer, and we were getting lots of interest and encouragement from everyone to keep it up.

I am still in awe that I can continue to write and share the ups and downs of living with cancer in such a powerful way. God uses our technology for His glory. I am just the typist, but God is the true writer of this Blog. There are often times when I wake up in the middle of the night (when it is the most quiet) and just start writing something that God has placed on my heart. It is a humbling journey to know that the God of this Universe cares about my Blog, and can use it.

I am forever thankful for the brilliant, and compassionate doctors at City of Hope. I trust them to do what is necessary to give me a good quality of life. My cancer journey has been a roller coaster of chemotherapy, radiation, surgeries, and on going treatments. I believe that God brings doctors into our lives to help us, but He is the ultimate physician, and I have seen miraculous healing as well.

My journey still involves metastasized cancer. God has His reasons for not healing me, and I have learned that His road for me is better that mine. Through it all, I have grown personally closer to Jesus, and I have seen miracles in the lives of people around me that are better gifts that the healing of cancer. When a loved one comes to know this amazing and loving God that I worship, my cancer journey is worth it.

There are hundreds of promises that God has made to those He calls His own. My favorite promise is from Hebrews 13:5 "I will never leave you or forsake you." I can say, without hesitation, that God has never left my side throughout this journey of mine. Sometimes the answers have come slower than I would have liked, and often times not in the way I would have envisioned, but God's love is constant and unconditional.

God has taken a broken vessel (me), and has shown His light through the cracks. I am humbled and thankful that you took time to read this Blog. I pray that it has inspired you to seek out a relationship with the one who went to the cross so that you can be free. Jesus makes promises, and He never breaks them.

-Sandy Boulware

Prayer for Salvation

There is not specific prayer that needs to be prayed word for word. It is just a humble statement between you and Jesus as you recognize all that He did because of His love for you. You don't need to clean up your life before saying this prayer. Jesus will help you find a way, through faith, to draw closer to Him.

Lord Jesus, I need You. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life and receive You as my Savior and Lord. Thank You for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Take control of the throne of my life. Make me the kind of person You want me to be.