As 2007 comes to a close, I can't help but reflect back on all that has happened. The first thought that comes to mind is the comparison to how I felt a year ago to today. It was a year of physical pain, and it sometimes feels unreal that what started with a sore neck ended with cancer. In January of this year, I was confident that my neck issues would be worked out quickly. It took four months until it was discovered that cancer was the reason for the pain. That was because of my own stubbornness and wanting to work things out my way. I will be forever thankful to Dr. Woodward for his role in our story. He is a man of compassion and integrity, and God chose him to be the deliverer of news to Jon and I. The entire staff at Dr. Woodward's office has been amazing. The moment of being told you have cancer is not one that grows faint in your mind. Dr. Woodward could not have done anything different in the way he told us and then championed our entrance into the City of Hope. That leads me to my Neurosurgeon, Mike Chen, who we had full confidence in for the 2nd Level Vertebrectomy that he performed to repair my neck. God placed him in our life for his expertise and skill, and he is also a very kind man. Today I am 98% pain free. I have some tenderness in areas of my neck, but it seems like in the last two months there has been an slow but definitely healing that I am so thankful for. I sleep well on my neck, I don't feel pain at night when I am tired. It is truly amazing and the surgery was a great success.
The next thought that comes to mind about 2007 is the reality of cancer, and what it felt like on the day of that I was diagnosed at City of Hope. That was the day that my Oncologist, Dr. Cathy Chung, whom I was meeting for the first time, told me that I had Stage 4 Metastatic Adeno Carcinoma with the origin unknown. It would later be confirmed that the origin was a 9mm tumor in my breast. As Dr. Chung broke down the reality of my cancer, it again was a moment of horror and fear that can't be fully described. All my hopes and dreams for my future with my husband and kids came crashing down upon me in that moment, and the pain of that day still causes me to shed tears as I write this because it was so deep. I think of what it had to be like for Jon, and for my parents and their pain and fear as well. It was a day so tragic that this is as close as I have come to write about it, and still there are details about that day that are only tucked in my heart until the time comes when I have the courage to completely revisit it and put it on paper.
The best part of this year is what overshadows both those moments by far. The best part of this year is what I have experienced spiritually and the witness I have become to God's amazing, knee dropping, grace and love through this disease called cancer. It started immediately with two verses. They were promises in those early dark hours of fear. The first verse was Romans 8:28 promising that God would work this dark trial for the good (and He has!). The second verse was Hebrews 13:5 and the promise that God would never leave me or forsake me (He hasn't!) When I heard God's word and his message for me through these verses, it was a like a lightening bolt flashed and it all became very clear that this was my destiny. The feeling of gratitude and awe that God had a plan for me was like no other feeling I had ever felt. It was the calm in the eye of the storm, and everything I had ever learned, failed at, and desired for my life was going to be used for God's purpose. God's plan was set in motion, and I was (and still am) completely humbled that He would have such a plan for me. How did God know that I would be able to handle this trial? How could He have such confidence in me knowing all of my faults? I soon found that it was not me, it was Christ through me. He was the one who used modern day technology for His glory (The Blog). He was the one that put words in my head to share with others. There is no way I could have done any of this without Christ.
The other defining moment of my year came at Mother's Day when my Mom gave me a daily devotional from Dodie Osteen called Choosing Life. My Mom also gave me a book written by Dodie on how she was healed of cancer. Dodie's insights into the fight for ones life, and the promises that God has in His word, has given me strength. My Mom took verses from Dodie's book and wrote them down for me. They are promises that I meditate on every morning. Some of my favorite are:
Psalms 121:7,8 The Lord will watch over your life, He knows your comings and goings....
Isaiah 43:2,3 Fear Not, for I have redeemed you. I have summoned you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you....
2 Corinthians 12:9 My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.
Isaiah 53:5 By His stripes, we are healed.
Mark 5:27-34 Daughter your faith has healed you, go in peace and be freed from suffering.
Matthew 21:22 If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.
As we end this gift giving season, I am so thankful for the greatest gift I ever received, which was the one that God gave me when he sent his Son to be the Saviour of the world. The gift within the gift is that I also received forgiveness, eternal life, and love like no other can give.
My prayer for you and for me, is that we accept the indescribable gifts that God has to offer through His word, and make it a part of our daily lives. I am excited for this new year and what it has to offer. There is always hope when God is in the driver's seat. I will look forward to each
new day in 2008, and reflect back on 2007 as a gift from God because I was able to participate in, and witness, His amazing love for me and everyone around me. I know that God desires to have a deep relationship with us all. If He got your attention because of what my family has gone through this year, and if this Blog has touched your life, then it was all worth it. My deepest hope is that this Blog has opened up a relationship between God and those who have not had Him in their life. I have prayed all my life for God to help me be bold in my faith and be a light for Him. It was only by God's strength that I was able to stand up and do that in the face of cancer.
God Bless,
Sandy
