Today I reflect back on a normal day six years ago. Michelle was home with pink eye. We ran a few quick errands, and I cleaned up the house for company that night. A normal Thursday, but Jon's Godfather was coming to the house (our new house) and then we were going to dinner. A nice break from cooking.
I got a call from Dr. Woodward's office saying he wanted to meet with Jon and I. I told the receptionist that we had dinner plans. She told me he would see me whenever we could get there. That was the first little drop in my stomach.
We went over after dinner. Left the girls in the lobby to look at the fish. It was very quiet, and as I walked down to Dr. Woodward's office at the end of the hall he was standing there, and his face was very strained.
The rest is a blur. The MRI showed a broken neck and suggested possible reasons like bone cancer, leukemia, or metastatic cancer. It was all being heard through the pounding in my head. Surreal, horrifying, sickening. Dr. Woodward distraught in his eyes. He would help us get into City of Hope. There were no clear answers.
Jon and I did not talk on the way home. We went through the motions of the night. Getting the girls to bed, saying prayers as a family. Rachel praying, "Dear Jesus, help mommy's neck to feel better." Michelle with a similar prayer.
Jon an I were in shock. We wanted it to be wrong, we prayed together in our room that it would all be a big mistake. We had big dreams, a future, and kids. This can't be happening. We held each other and cried.
The weeks were a nightmare. More tests, all of them coming back with horrible news. Tumors all over my bones. And then the final blow. Meeting my Oncologist and hearing the words, "you have stage 4 metastatic breast cancer. Incurable. Five years. Devastation. Telling parents and friends, horrible fear, the darkest of days had come upon us.
But there was light. It was very small, but it penetrated the darkness. It was the light of hope. It was the light of my Jesus. His presence filled the room one morning as I lay in bed in pain and despair. He told me this would be used for His glory. With all my heart I responded back, "Use me, I want to do your work and your will."
Six years later, here I am. It has been a glorious ride, but one full of suffering and challenges. But, I have never forgotten that moment when I submitted everything to Jesus, and I have no regrets.
I am suffering again. The cancer has taken a turn into a new season of chemo and fight. It has increased dramatically on my spine, and has gone into some lymph nodes in breast bone area. The first round of new chemo was Monday, and it has been a hard week. I hope it gets better soon.
I can say today, six years later, that there is something that burns within my when it comes to following Jesus. He is the way, the truth and the life. I want everyone around me to know this incredible love, which was shown on the cross when Jesus died for us all to pay the price for our sin. If you don't believe that Jesus is the Messiah, and was not resurrected, then everything I have experienced the past six years must be a lie. I stand on the foundation of a resurrected savior, and I have seen Him work in ways that are not possible on this earth. I call to Jesus, and he answers me.
If you are a friend with doubts, if you want to know more, please call me. I want to share with you the redemption and peace that comes with accepting Jesus as your personal savior. It is a life of no regrets for me. Only my own sin and choices have led me wrong. Jesus has never failed me.
Today is a day of celebration. I know there is more of my journey to be traveled. I look forward to the new adventures that await.
Blessings,
Sandy
