Just like there good cholesterol and bad cholesterol, there is good confrontation and bad confrontation. Bad confrontation is when you publicly confront someone out of anger. We are a sports family, so we have seen our fair share of verbally abusive parents when a referee does not make a call they like.
I used to say that I was not confrontational, but as I have gotten older I know I have become more confrontational. I hope it is the good confrontational; my family might disagree. My definition of good confrontation is when you approach a person in love wanting to clear up a hurt or misunderstanding. When you value a relationship, and yet it has gotten off course, you sometimes have to open a wound to let it heal. I don't like to have anger or hurt in my life, so when these moments of misunderstanding happen, I meet it head on. Along with the confrontation of the person, there needs to be a willingness to confront myself and take ownership of any role I played in the misunderstanding.
This is a very hard concept for my girls. They both have had issues of misunderstandings, and yet they are hesitant to approach the friend and just talk it out. They wait for it to blow over, often suffering days or weeks with the knowledge that something is wrong, but not wanting to have the courage to confront it. Feelings get hurt even more, and most of the time someone was just having a bad day and was a little cross (teenage hormones), but nothing was really wrong.
You can't have forgiveness without confrontation. When we ask Jesus for forgiveness, we must confront our sin. In the same way, we need to confront hurt and then let forgiveness enter into our relationships. Not long ago, Pastor Jim said, "Sometimes we don't know how we are going to forgive, but if we prayerfully take the step forward (confront) Jesus will show us the way."
Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.
25 “Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still together on the way, or your adversary may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. 26 Truly I tell you, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny. Matthew 5:23-25
God will judge me like I judge others. Holding grudges or hurt weighs us down, confronting it has the potential of taking that burden away. That is why Jesus said to settle matters quickly. The more we let issues fester, the more complicated it gets.
Maybe I am more confrontational because I am more intentional. I feel I have a duty to be a good example of what a follower of Christ look like, so I don't like to have misunderstandings that undermine my purpose of sharing my faith. I find that clearing up misunderstandings, and then forgiving and moving on, is the best way to reflect God. After all, God does a lot of forgiving of me, and He never dwells on my sin. When I confront my error and ask for forgiveness, God wipes the slate clean.
Sandy
