Psalm 57:1-3
Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy!
I look to you for protection.
I will hide beneath the shadow of your wings
until the danger passes by.
2 I cry out to God Most High,[b]
to God who will fulfill his purpose for me.
3 He will send help from heaven to rescue me,
disgracing those who hound me. Interlude
My God will send forth his unfailing love and faithfulness
I am called to reflect again on my five year battle with cancer. Although I think of April 20th as my diagnosis date, it was really the day that the word cancer came into our life. My actual diagnosis date did not come until May 11th.
Between the two days there were a lot of tests before I was seen at City of Hope, and then there were more tests to help pinpoint where the cancer was coming from. After a painful bone marrow biopsy, I was told that I have Adenocarcinoma (cancer of an epithelium that originates in glandular tissue, which could be breast or any other soft tissue). My case was then assigned an oncologist, and an appointment was made for May 11.
Meanwhile the girls needed to be told so that we could then tell more people about what was happening. Up until this point only a very small group of friends knew what was happening, and our parents. I scripted what I was to say to the girls with the help of a psychologist City of Hope. My girls still are scared when we call a family meeting. After we broke the news, Jon and I sat down and constructed an e-mail that we sent out that night to everyone on our contact list.
By morning the news had caused an earthquake. Everyone was shocked and grieving for us. E-mails poured in offering help and promises of prayer. I have no doubt that the switchboard in heaven was lighting up!
May 11 came, and my Dad and stepmother, Sandy, went with Jon and I to City of Hope to meet my Oncologist. That was the day that Dr. Cathy Chung came into my life. She very clearly laid out what was happening. Cancer has gotten into my blood and metastasized to my bone. The point of origin still needed to be determined, but I was in stage 4, and my cancer is incurable. The news hung there like a led balloon for all in the room to take in. The next stage was to find out if it was coming from the breast or somewhere else.
We left the room and went downstairs so I could get some blood drawn for a test. As I sat in the lab, the technicians were all talking about what plans they had for the weekend. I remember thinking how odd it is to be sitting here dying, yet the world continues on as if all is normal. When I walked out of the lab my eyes locked onto Jon in the hall. He looked destroyed. Our life was destroyed. All the banter that happens between a husband and wife about retirement, travel, grandkids, etc... was no more. We thought April 20th was hard, but this was the final blow that wiped out our hopes and dreams.
Cancer was found in my breast, and fortunately it was HR positive. Treatments plans were put in place, and my neck was opereated on the week after Memorial Day. I gained strength in knowing we were working on containing the cancer and fixing what was broken so that I could move towards not have physical pain.
The fear took longer to get a grasp on. It was only by God's Word did I find peace in the midst of my storm. The prayers continued day and night. I know of many who would wake up in the middle of the night and pray for me. I believe night prayer warriors helped Jon and I sleep through the night ourselves.
Find rest, oh my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him. Psalm 62:5-7
As I reflect back on our darkest hour, what I want to drive home to all who read this is that your darkest hour is not your final hour if you know Jesus Christ as your Savior. I could have given up after hearing that news, but because of my faith, I had hope that God would work on my behalf.
A foundation of faith is what you have before your darkest hour. It is what you call upon when your world goes dark. A foundation is something layed out and built on. I had built a relationship with Jesus. I did not even have to look at my Bible during that time because the Word of God was in my very soul. I could be anywhere and know, "Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so." My faith was so deeply rooted that I could just rest in the love and protection of Christ. That being said, I emersed myself in God's Word and learned even more promises that encouraged me.
It is my deepest desire that everyone would have this foundation of hope. It is the greatest gift you can give yourself. Hope is huge! It can get you out of a tight spot, it can fuel you with purpose. Hope in Christ means that death is defeated!
Nobody is exempt from trouble and trials. You may be in your darkest hour right now. Even if you don't have a firm foundation in Jesus, it is not too late. You can call on Him anytime. He has been waiting for you to seek Him. You can start building that foundation now.
Sandy
