The day after I got the news about no lesions on my liver, I walked into Bible Study and the leader approached me about doing the devotional the next week. First of all, only group leaders do the devotionals (I am not), and second she did not even know the great news! I immediately said yes, and told her that she was in for a big surprise!
After giving my devotional (more like a testimony), many women wanted me to post it on my Blog. Here it is:
Romans 8:28 says that in everything, God works for the good with those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.
This is a tough verse to swallow sometimes. We see our life falling down around us due to finances, relationships, our children, or disease, and we find it hard to trust that God can work through these trials if we look for his purpose. There are times when it seems impossible for God to work anything for the good because things are so bad.
Many of you know that I live with stage IV metastatic breast cancer. I was diagnosed in 2007, and it was through that dark and scary time, that God revealed His purpose for me. All my life I wanted to do something big for Christ. So even in this deep valley, I knew that God prepared me for this moment my entire life. My purpose, and God’s great gift to me, ended up being a Blog in which I could write my deepest thoughts about the journey I was on. I call my Blog, 'Sandy’s Journey of Faith." I write on this Blog several times each week, with the hope that I can change my world with the message of Christ.
When I was first diagnosed, God directed me to City of Hope. Because I had breast cancer that metastasized to the bone, there was no surgery to remove the primary tumor, and I did not receive chemo because it was not designed to rid my bones of the hundreds of tiny tumors that lay on them. Instead, I had surgery to fix a broken neck from the cancer, and then my cancer was treated like a chronic illness, in that I took a hormone blocker pill, and I received an infusion once a month to strengthen my bones. All of this was, physically, very easy on me and allowed me to continue on with my activities, mainly being there for my husband and two young girls, and also the custodian of my Blog ministry.
This past September, all of that changed when a routine CT scan revealed that the cancer had spread to my liver. When I was given the news, it was like being diagnosed all over again in 2007. The anxiety and fear came back, and I was thrown into darkness again. In the days that followed, I felt God telling me that he wanted me to set up a prayer time that would fulfill scripture as written in James 5:13
"Is any among you sick? Let him call upon the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord; and the prayer of faith will save the sick man… "
I called Adam Donner, and we set a day and time for that week. On that day, Betsy, Adam and twenty other people came here to pray at 11:00. The amazing part was that through my Blog, hundreds of others committed to praying at that very time with us. It was a spirit filled hour of prayer as we asked for healing so that God’s power would be revealed to those who needed Him.
I want to tell you, from day one (in 2007) I believed in healing. My Mother and I came up with verses that became my promises, and I claimed them for myself. For example, when I would read Matthew 20:21, which says, “If you have the faith of a mustard seed, you can move mountains. Nothing is impossible for you.”
I would say to God, “Cancer is my mountain, I have faith bigger than a mustard seed, and you can do the impossible.” I did not waver on this. When a pastor talked about being a witness to healing, I believed that it would be me someday. The reason I had so much confidence is that I truly believed that God’s will and my will were the same. I knew that I had the audience, through my blog, to shake people to the core when God performed a healing on me. It is hard to imagine, but it stopped becoming about me being alive for my kids, and more about how I could convey my love of Christ through my Blog so that people could feel a connection and seek a relationship with Christ for themselves. Through my obedience, my family has grown stronger in their faith and has seen God in action in ways that will never leave their hearts.
When the cancer spread to my liver, it was decided that I would have to start chemotherapy. I was told that I would get chemo every week indefinitely, which means until the cancer spread even more and then I would go to a harsher chemo. The chemo would never stop. This was my life now. The fight was on.
After our healing prayer I started to get ideas of what would happen. Kind of like when you are planning a great lunch with a girlfriend, and you have it all thought out. I said to God, “Oh I get it now! I’m off the daily pills, you got the attention of hundreds of people who are praying for healing, I get scanned next week to confirm the need for chemo, you are going to heal me, I don’t have to get chemo, lose my hair and be tied down every week, you get all the glory, and we rock the church walls with a big party! This is a great plan!!!
Guess what? It did not work out that way. When the second set of scans came back, it was confirmed that chemo was definitely the next step for me. I was bitterly disappointed that God had missed out on a great opportunity. After getting the results, my husband dropped me off at home, and I immediately got in the car and drove to Pat Reeve’s house. I started screaming at God the moment I entered Pat’s house. I argued at how I had devoted myself to His ministry, that I couldn't do His work if I was sick. I told Him that he really missed the boat on this one. Didn’t He see this as a perfect opportunity to shine?
When the rage had been released, Pat calmly asked me, “Sandy, who is in the driver’s seat?” I gave her a blank stare. “Sandy, it sounds like you are in the driver’s seat.”
It was a bitter pill to take, and I could not swallow it for a few days. On the third night I wrestled with God. I knew that my god was the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, and I had to accept his will. Finally He kicked me out of bed in the early morning, and He gave me these words:
I heard Him say, “Sandy. You want to take the freeway, and I want to take the side streets with the pedestrian crossings. You want the radio blasting “Healing Rain”, and I want you to listen to the soft sound of “Trust and Obey.” I want to travel this road with the windows down, and you are worried about your hair.”
In an act of obedience and love for the one who sacrificed everything for me, I climbed into the back seat and asked Jesus to take the wheel. He told me to get ready for the journey of a lifetime, and I trusted Him with all my heart.
The past six months of chemo have been filled with lots of joyous moments. First, I get to wear this adorable wig that takes 30 seconds to put on. I don’t have to shave my legs, and if I cry my mascare does not run (because I have no eyelashes). I know you are envious!!!
Second, I have never gone to chemo alone. God always provides someone to go with me. Some of them are old friends, and some are new friends. The pedestrian crossings have been sweet and blessed by God. I have met more nurses, and I have shared my faith with even more people. I have been told that it got people back to praying, and that families would lift me up before God each night; the kids especially wanting to pray for Mrs. B.
Since starting chemo, I get scanned every two months. The bone scan always shows the metastatic cancer that is all over my bones from head to foot. The second scan I do each month is the CT scan that shows the internal organs, which were always clean up until last September.
Two months ago a CT scan came back with an interesting twist. The lesions on my liver were said to be benign! The doctors were baffled. This is not a product of chemo, and they had not seen this happen before. They had no explanation as to why lesions would show up and then turn to benign. Everyone around me rejoiced at the news, the doctors were impressed, and I continued with treatment for another two months.
Two weeks ago I was scanned again, and I got the results last week. I am humbled to tell you today that there are no lesions to be found on my liver! The liver is clean!! We can clap for Jesus!
God’s timing has been perfect. The ripple effect of this news has been amazing. I have been humbled and grateful before God. This has been an awesome reminder to those around me who have great struggles of their own, that God hears and answers prayers. My message is that you should never limit God. He can do the impossible. He wants to reveal His love and power in your life too! There is hope when you have faith that God will work all things for the good for those who are called according to His purpose.
Prayer:
Jesus, there is something about your name that makes our heart skip a beat. You offer us everything, and we still want to do things our own way. We somehow think that we are better drivers, and we don’t want to give up control of the wheel. Yet, you promise that if we let you do the driving, you will take us on the journey of a lifetime. You never promise there won’t be bumps along the way, but you do promise that you will never leave us or forsake us. Our hope comes from you.
Thank you for showing your healing power in mighty ways. You not only heal disease, but you heal broken hearts, broken homes, and most importantly, broken relationships with you. I pray that you will use whatever trial that comes our way to your glory, and that we will always remember that you are mighty to save.
Amen
