This has been a crazy week. I went from good news on Wednesday to waking up on Thursday with horrible bone pain in my shoulder. I don't know what triggered it, but I tried to nurse it all day Thursday with Ibuprofen. By Thursday evening the pain had escalated and it took two Vicodins to get the pain down. I continued with Vicodin every four hours and still woke up to pain and nausea. I struggled all day Friday with an upset stomach from the medication. I talked to an Orthapedic doctor at COH, and he said that my latest bone scan does not show cancer on the left side shoulder area. I can't get in to see him until this coming week. He suggested staying of of the Vicodin and taking more Ibuprofen. The nausea lifted sometime in the late afternoon. Saturday was painful, but I managed to get to all the soccer games. Thanks to all the prayers that went up on my behalf, I woke up this morning (Sunday) with a little less pain. I have been looking forward to this day for a month, and I was glad that nothing was going to stop me from visiting Hacienda Heights Baptist Church and giving my testimony. The church was filled with familiar and friendly faces. The church service was very beautiful, and my dear friend Silvia Bobluk did a little slide show as she introduced me. The following is the testimony I gave this morning. Thank you to Pastor Lambert for a beautiful sermon that spoke to me and others about God's promises.
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My foundation in Christ was laid here at Hacienda Heights Baptist Church. God put into my life Sunday school teachers, like Bob Kopecky. Youth Ministers, like Bob Hunt and Mike Slater. Senior Pastors like Dr. Bill Tipton, and friends, that are too numerous to name. I started my journey of faith here, but it took years of God's mercy and grace to get me where I am today.When I was in the youth group here, I claimed a verse in the Bible that quickly became my favorite verse and I have carried it in my heart ever since:
Matthew 5:16 says:
Let your light so shine before men that they will see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.
I have prayed for what seems like my entire life for God to let me be a light for Him. Unfortunately, I am very flawed, and I am afraid that there were times when my light was none too pleasing to God. But I continued to pray that God would refine me and let me be a witness for Him. I kept asking, “Lord, how can I share my faith in a powerful way?
This past April God revealed to me how He wanted me to share my faith. It was not in a way that I would have ever chosen for myself. On April 20, 2007 I was told that a stiff neck that would not go away was cancer. The day after my chiropractor broke the news to my husband and me, I sat at my kitchen table paralyzed with fear the entire day. In the afternoon, before my two girls came home, I looked over at an envelope on the counter that held the Sunday school lesson that I was to teach that weekend. With every intention of getting out of my commitment, I opened the envelope and found God’s first words to me through the title:
“God is at His best when life is at its worst.”
There were two verses God gave me that day:
Romans 8:28 says:
And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose.
Hebrews 13:5
Never will I leave you or forsake you
It was in that moment I realized that this was God’s plan for me, and He had been preparing me all my life for what was about to happen. I still had a choice that day. Do I trust God, or do I carry this burden myself? I chose to surrender; however, total surrender came slowly. How do you surrender your future with your husband and children? But I found that the more I surrendered the more God gave me peace. And the more I devoured His word, the more I learned that His promises are true, and His word is powerful.
It took nearly six weeks to fully diagnose my cancer. On the most emotional day of my journey, I sat before an Oncologist at City of Hope, and she explained to me that I had Stage 4 Metastatic Breast Cancer. Time seemed to stand still as she explained how a small tumor in my breast that had gone completely undetected by my annual mammograms, had traveled to my bones. Cancer was spotted all through out my neck, spine, and pelvic bones.
Out of that day of darkness came a verse from Isaiah 43:2, 3
Fear not, for I have redeemed you. I have summoned you by name; you (Sandy) are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned. The flames will not set you ablaze, for I AM THE LORD YOUR GOD!
Has God been at His best in the darkest moment of my life? I stand before you humbled and in awe of what He has done. God has taken this broken vessel named Sandy Boulware, and He has shown his light through the cracks and imperfections of my life. He has given me a new song, and through modern day technology (the computer), I have been able to share my faith in ways that I could have never imagined. Before I went into surgery on May 30th to repair my neck that had been destroyed by cancer, God prompted me to start a blog. The blog was intended to inform friends and family of my condition and lessen the burden of hundreds of e-mails. In the three days before my surgery, I had almost over 700 visits to my computer site! People wrote and encouraged me, and I wrote and shared my faith. Five months later, it still takes my breath away how God has moved through the writings on that blog. Everything that I was always afraid to say for fear of offending someone has come pouring out of me like an unleashed damn. And living water is flowing out in abundance! Today there have been over 6,000 hits on the blog, and people tell me all the time that they have sought a deeper relationship with God because of this blog. The blog is not me, it is God communicating His love to His people, and they are being changed.
Ephesians 3:20 tells us:
“Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us…
Some of you here this morning are facing great trials in your life. Perhaps you have a broken relationship, or physical challenges, or events at work that have you down. Perhaps you are wondering where God fits into your life. Rick Warren is quoted as saying “God is more interested in your character than you comfort.” Whatever you face, God is at work and has a plan for your life and He makes promises that He will never break. Listen to this promise.
Jeremiah 29:11-12
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.”
That verse tells me that I am significant to God. You are significant to God. I know sometimes it feels like God is not there. But if you dig into the Bible you will find that is how God speaks to you. He makes many promises, and He is true to His word. My mother began a list for me of some of God’s promises that pertain to me and my health:
Psalms 62:5-8
Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him…He is my mighty rock, my refuge.
Psalms 121:7, 8
The Lord will keep you from all harm. He will watch over your life…
2 Corinthians 12:9
My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.
Joshua 1:9
Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
God’s promises are for you to claim! Fear is the most powerful reason why we have separation from God. We don’t think He is big enough to handle our problem on His own, so we fret and fear, and try to handle it ourselves. Believe me, I know. I was racked with fear during those first six weeks of being diagnosed. And fear is still the number one weapon Satan uses against me. Satan is the author of lies, and he uses fear and tells us that God is not listening or we are not significant enough for God to heal and restore. Did you know that there are 366 verses in the Bible that say “Fear Not?”
This week I received test results that confirmed that progress is being made to strengthen my bones so that the cancer does not erode them like it did my neck. The cancer is still there, but it has not spread. That was all good news. I would have like to have seen no cancer. I have a God big enough to do it. It was not His time. There are times when I grow weary from the burden of it all. What does God want me to say that has not already been said on the blog? Will there ever be a day when I wake up and not think about cancer? Will I ever be able to do activities like I did before? What is your plan, Lord?
We all have these types of questions, even if our trials are different. We all want to know what God’s plan is. We all have moments of fear. I like to think of Peter and what it must have been like to have his eyes fixed on Christ as he stepped overboard and walked on water. Have you ever thought about how surreal a moment that was? But, the moment Peter took his eyes off of Christ and remembered that HE was walking on water, he sank. We can’t take our eyes off of Christ for one minute! Peter cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately, Jesus reached out His hand and caught him.
I can attest to the fact that there is nothing sweeter than lying in the arms of Christ and knowing that if I was the only person on earth, He would have still died for me. He loves me that much. He loves you that much.
I close with these verses from Isaiah 40:28-31
Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings of eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
