Sandy's Journey of Faith: Why?

Friday, July 6, 2007

Why?

I have been chewing on this one all day. Not because I have ever asked why, but because I hear others asking why. I hear of friends hearing about my battle with cancer, and sometimes the question is asked: "Why would a good God allow this to happen?"

I could never begin to answer the big question of why bad things happen. I think we have all had occasion to question why God would allow suffering and pain. I can only answer for myself and my situation. From the moment I was told I had cancer, I knew that I was on God's path, and He had prepared me for what would come. I believe that God had this planned from my birth. He gave me parents that thought it was important for their children to go to church. And when it was time to decide whether I wanted to just have a religion that my parents gave me or make it my own, God gave me a youth minister (Mike Slater) who challenged me to not limit my God, and to make Jesus Christ the most important person in my life. God has a plan for each of us, it is only by our own choices that we determine if we live out God's plan or not. I have a choice today, do I keep trusting God, or do I turn away and try it my way. There are times when I am just done, and I know that God could reach down and take this away. Just when I am in one of those moments, I see God at work again. I have had many an occasion when I have been told that someone is praying, or going to church, or questioning their life that has been void of God. That really excites me, and keeps me moving and rejoicing. This is not a Sandy story, this is a story about a big and loving God who knows exactly what He is doing, and what He is doing is prompting people to dig deep and start a conversation with Him.

If you are reading this blog and you are void of Christ Jesus in your life. If you have not talked to Him in a long time. If you haven't really seen the need to up until now. If you are mad at God for circumstances in your life. I want you to know that I would humbly go through this challenge for the exchange of you having a conversation with God. There is one thing I can not do. I can't die so that you can live. Only God gave you that privileged when He sent His Son Jesus who did die for YOU on the cross. I am always floored when I think that even if I was the only one, Jesus still would have died for me.

I don't ask why, because I know the characteristics of my God. I know His voice, and He knows mine. We have had many conversations about life. I have been mad at Him a couple of times. I did not like the feeling of not talking to Him, so I apologized and He wiped it all away. Talk to God in your own voice and in your own way. You don't need to say a perfectly made up prayer.

I hope the thoughts and desires of my heart translate well on paper (computer). I have thought of this all day and asked God to put the words down for me. I hope I did Him justice.

In Christ's Love,
Sandy

The Salvation Prayer

This prayer is an example of what to say to Jesus when you want Him to come into your heart. It is a humble statement between you and God that recognizes that we all fall short of being good enough to face God on our own. Jesus had to pay the price for our sins so we could come before God pure and blameless. You don't need to clean up your life before you pray this prayer. Jesus will come in and help you draw close to him.

Lord Jesus, I need You. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life and receive You as my Savior and Lord. Thank You for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Take control of the throne of my life. Make me the kind of person You want me to be.

My Journey (Revised 07/12/13)

Romans 8:28 says that in everything, God works for the good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

This is often a tough verse to swallow. We see our life falling down around us due to finances, broken relationships, or disease, and it becomes difficult to trust that God can work through these trials if we look for His purpose and trust in Him. There are times when it seems impossible for God to work anything for the good because things are so bad.

I was diagnosed with cancer in April 2007 when I had a stiff neck that would not go away. For four months I tried chiropractic care, massages, and stretching to try and loosen the knots that were all over my neck and down into my upper back. The stiff neck made sense to me because we had moved into a new house and I thought I had strained something.

Four months later I could not stand the pain any longer. I went back to my trusted chiropractor and he sent me to have an MRI. It was through that test that he saw something horribly wrong. My C5 vertebrae was gone, and my neck had collapsed! He called my husband and I into his office and told us the news that would change our life. There was some type of disease in my neck. He suspected that it was metastatic breast cancer.

We contacted City of Hope, and they asked me to get a bone scan. My life plunged further into darkness when the test came back showing lesions all over my bones. Several tests later, a small tumor in my breast was found, and I was officially diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic breast cancer. It is incurable.

My family decended into the valley of the shadow of death. It was a dark and painful time, and all of our lives changed forever. However, it was during that time God revealed His purpose for me. I have cherished my relationship with God all of my life. Because I had a spiritual foundation, when the bottom of my world dropped out from under me, I had a loving God to catch me. In many ways I feel that God had prepared me for this battle my entire life.

We shared the news with more family and friends, and the prayer support was amazing. I visualized the "switchboard in heaven" completely lit up with prayers for me. We tried to keep up the communication with everyone via e-mail, but a better solution came to mind.

On the eve of my surgery to repair my neck at City of Hope, I started a Blog, and called it "Sandy's Journey of Faith." Little did I know that this was the gift and ministry that God had been training me for. It started with us giving updates, and then turned into a forum in which I could share my faith as I walked hand in hand with Jesus through this trial. Jon would sometimes be a guest writer, and we were getting lots of interest and encouragement from everyone to keep it up.

I am still in awe that I can continue to write and share the ups and downs of living with cancer in such a powerful way. God uses our technology for His glory. I am just the typist, but God is the true writer of this Blog. There are often times when I wake up in the middle of the night (when it is the most quiet) and just start writing something that God has placed on my heart. It is a humbling journey to know that the God of this Universe cares about my Blog, and can use it.

I am forever thankful for the brilliant, and compassionate doctors at City of Hope. I trust them to do what is necessary to give me a good quality of life. My cancer journey has been a roller coaster of chemotherapy, radiation, surgeries, and on going treatments. I believe that God brings doctors into our lives to help us, but He is the ultimate physician, and I have seen miraculous healing as well.

My journey still involves metastasized cancer. God has His reasons for not healing me, and I have learned that His road for me is better that mine. Through it all, I have grown personally closer to Jesus, and I have seen miracles in the lives of people around me that are better gifts that the healing of cancer. When a loved one comes to know this amazing and loving God that I worship, my cancer journey is worth it.

There are hundreds of promises that God has made to those He calls His own. My favorite promise is from Hebrews 13:5 "I will never leave you or forsake you." I can say, without hesitation, that God has never left my side throughout this journey of mine. Sometimes the answers have come slower than I would have liked, and often times not in the way I would have envisioned, but God's love is constant and unconditional.

God has taken a broken vessel (me), and has shown His light through the cracks. I am humbled and thankful that you took time to read this Blog. I pray that it has inspired you to seek out a relationship with the one who went to the cross so that you can be free. Jesus makes promises, and He never breaks them.

-Sandy Boulware

Prayer for Salvation

There is not specific prayer that needs to be prayed word for word. It is just a humble statement between you and Jesus as you recognize all that He did because of His love for you. You don't need to clean up your life before saying this prayer. Jesus will help you find a way, through faith, to draw closer to Him.

Lord Jesus, I need You. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life and receive You as my Savior and Lord. Thank You for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Take control of the throne of my life. Make me the kind of person You want me to be.