Today I saw the Orthopedic Specialist at City of Hope. We each weighed in our thoughts on why I had another frozen shoulder episode, and we talked about how well both shoulders are doing since I had the shots. There is cancer in the right shoulder, but we both think that cancer is not the issue. I have read that women over 40 and in menopause can sometimes suffer from a frozen shoulder, and most of the time there is no reason for the pain coming on. This is good news for the Fees if they want to challenge us again in ping pong. Bring it on!
The not so good news today is a MRI and x-ray that came back showing that I have a tumor that is rather large in my lower back region that may be pushing on a nerve and causing me to have tingling in both my lower legs. Both of my doctors consulted with each other and they feel that I should have radiation on that area before it grows and pushes on my spinal cord, which could cause paralysis. I would have liked to just keep an eye on it, but the doctors want to be proactive, so it looks like I will be doing radiation again. I hate the idea of going every day, and my prayer now is that I get a good time slot (mid-morning) so that it does not effect my schedule with the girls.
Remember when I talked about my frozen shoulder the week before Christmas, and I did not understand why I had to go through all the drama before the holiday? Today I got my answer in a way that was so clear, that it brought me to me knees knowing how closely God watches over my situation. After I met with my Orthopedic doctor, I was sitting in the lobby waiting for my Oncologist, when it hit me why I had to go through what I did that week. You see, today when I went to see both my doctors, I came bold in my faith and wanting to convey to them what is important to me. When I am looking at x-rays and MRI results with my doctors I wonder what they think of me. Today I was able to share what it is like to look at test results that show cancer dotted throughout my bones. I imagine some people would fall apart and feel like all is lost when they see results like that. I won't say that it does not put a little knot in my stomach, but for the most part it does not rattle me anymore. As I said today, I walk out of City of Hope with great faith and courage. I have a big God who has got this all under control and He told me today (through my reading of a book on the diciples) that He is capable of doing the impossible. Every morning I pray for this Blog, my family, friends and doctors. I pray that we will all have our eyes opened to what God can do with this horrible disease. Today I think my doctors saw me differently. I am not a chart number, I am a person who has hopes and dreams for her future, and I am going to plow through these obstacles with God as my shield.
It felt good to be bold for Christ today. It hurt to take a step backward and agree to radiation. It was a day of conflicting emotions, yet God was there to comfort me (and two friends at the park). I think He gave me a glimpse of His plan, yet He said I need you to walk through some more valleys. Are you willing He asks? The only answer for me is yes, because I find out over and over that His plan is much better than mine.
Specific prayer at this time would be wisdom as I meet with the Radiation Oncologist, and a good time slot that won't interfere with my daughter's schedule. I also need prayer for the end of the month when I have a new bone scan, sonogram and CT scan. We don't want to ever see progression in the bones, and nothing in the internal organs. The doctors are concerned that this new sensation I have in my legs may mean that the cancer is progressing slightly. That would mean a change in all of my current treatment.
I know it is a tall order, but God is on the job!
Love,
Sandy
