Sandy's Journey of Faith: Side Effects

Monday, February 4, 2013

Side Effects

Lately I have been dealing with a lot of side effects from my current chemo treatment. I am fortunate that I have been able to take an oral chemo so I can avoid the weekly routine of getting an infusion and managing the side effects from such powerful drugs. However, my oral chemo has been challenging due to body aches and mouth sores. I am on a very low dosage of chemo at the moment, and so my concern was one that questioned if the cancer was responding to the dosage, or getting past it and advancing in my liver.

I am happy to say that an ultrasound last week confirmed that the minimal amount of chemo I am on seems to be keeping my liver lesions stable! PTL! I can breath a little easier, and also learn to manage these side effects better. It is hard to think that I have to accept the current condition I am in as normal, when in fact I am struggling with pain every day. However, the reality is that every chemo, every drug, every over the counter medicine, has a side effect. I have to learn to live with mine knowing that there are worst things that may come in my future.

This had me thinking about side effects in life. We all face side effects from what we eat, drink, read and watch. We suffer side effects from choices we've made with relationships, finances, and health. Every day we rejoice in good side effects because of healthy lifestyle choices, or we dwell on negative side effects because of our disobedience before God.

Throughout the Bible there are stories which teach us about the side effects of some one's choices. When a young boy like David obeyed God and faced a giant, the outcome was one of honor and praise. He became a great king, but made a very selfish choice when he fell in love with another man's wife. He arranged for the man to be in harms way and be killed, but David soon realized that he had to suffer a consequence for what we did. The child he loved, which came from the woman, was later taken by God through an illness. David had another choice to make during that time of heartache, and he chose God and through this obedience, his relationship with God was restored.
(See this story in 2 Samuel)

Lately I have been thinking about side effects when there is no remorse or forgiveness. We all want to be right, and it can be hard to own up to our mistakes. I have two beautiful daughters, but I see them being very hard on each other at times. There are times when one refuses to share because she is holding on to hurt from the last fight where she did not feel she had resolution because there was no apology. My other daughter does not realize that the side effect of not showing sensitivity and being apologetic is that her sister does not want to share a week later.

Maybe you are struggling with the side effect of some event that has happened. God's answer in all of these situations is to put love first. When love is your personal choice, then God will step in and give you the patience, forgiveness, and wisdom to reconcile. Maybe your struggle is the side effect of health because of lifestyle choices. God is the healer and restorer of anything that is causing grief.

"As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." Ephesians 4:1-2

Through this passage we see that God desires us to act in a way that shows love. To refuse has side effects for your entire body and mind. To accept this truth leaves you with a clear conscience and a lighter yoke to bear.

I am handing over my aches and pains to God, and thanking Him for His provision of City of Hope, doctors, and medicine that keeps me going. I am also thankful that He has power over all my side effects and that each ache and pain is a reminder to pray and to trust in Him. Thank you for YOUR prayers!

Blessings,
Sandy

The Salvation Prayer

This prayer is an example of what to say to Jesus when you want Him to come into your heart. It is a humble statement between you and God that recognizes that we all fall short of being good enough to face God on our own. Jesus had to pay the price for our sins so we could come before God pure and blameless. You don't need to clean up your life before you pray this prayer. Jesus will come in and help you draw close to him.

Lord Jesus, I need You. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life and receive You as my Savior and Lord. Thank You for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Take control of the throne of my life. Make me the kind of person You want me to be.

My Journey (Revised 07/12/13)

Romans 8:28 says that in everything, God works for the good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

This is often a tough verse to swallow. We see our life falling down around us due to finances, broken relationships, or disease, and it becomes difficult to trust that God can work through these trials if we look for His purpose and trust in Him. There are times when it seems impossible for God to work anything for the good because things are so bad.

I was diagnosed with cancer in April 2007 when I had a stiff neck that would not go away. For four months I tried chiropractic care, massages, and stretching to try and loosen the knots that were all over my neck and down into my upper back. The stiff neck made sense to me because we had moved into a new house and I thought I had strained something.

Four months later I could not stand the pain any longer. I went back to my trusted chiropractor and he sent me to have an MRI. It was through that test that he saw something horribly wrong. My C5 vertebrae was gone, and my neck had collapsed! He called my husband and I into his office and told us the news that would change our life. There was some type of disease in my neck. He suspected that it was metastatic breast cancer.

We contacted City of Hope, and they asked me to get a bone scan. My life plunged further into darkness when the test came back showing lesions all over my bones. Several tests later, a small tumor in my breast was found, and I was officially diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic breast cancer. It is incurable.

My family decended into the valley of the shadow of death. It was a dark and painful time, and all of our lives changed forever. However, it was during that time God revealed His purpose for me. I have cherished my relationship with God all of my life. Because I had a spiritual foundation, when the bottom of my world dropped out from under me, I had a loving God to catch me. In many ways I feel that God had prepared me for this battle my entire life.

We shared the news with more family and friends, and the prayer support was amazing. I visualized the "switchboard in heaven" completely lit up with prayers for me. We tried to keep up the communication with everyone via e-mail, but a better solution came to mind.

On the eve of my surgery to repair my neck at City of Hope, I started a Blog, and called it "Sandy's Journey of Faith." Little did I know that this was the gift and ministry that God had been training me for. It started with us giving updates, and then turned into a forum in which I could share my faith as I walked hand in hand with Jesus through this trial. Jon would sometimes be a guest writer, and we were getting lots of interest and encouragement from everyone to keep it up.

I am still in awe that I can continue to write and share the ups and downs of living with cancer in such a powerful way. God uses our technology for His glory. I am just the typist, but God is the true writer of this Blog. There are often times when I wake up in the middle of the night (when it is the most quiet) and just start writing something that God has placed on my heart. It is a humbling journey to know that the God of this Universe cares about my Blog, and can use it.

I am forever thankful for the brilliant, and compassionate doctors at City of Hope. I trust them to do what is necessary to give me a good quality of life. My cancer journey has been a roller coaster of chemotherapy, radiation, surgeries, and on going treatments. I believe that God brings doctors into our lives to help us, but He is the ultimate physician, and I have seen miraculous healing as well.

My journey still involves metastasized cancer. God has His reasons for not healing me, and I have learned that His road for me is better that mine. Through it all, I have grown personally closer to Jesus, and I have seen miracles in the lives of people around me that are better gifts that the healing of cancer. When a loved one comes to know this amazing and loving God that I worship, my cancer journey is worth it.

There are hundreds of promises that God has made to those He calls His own. My favorite promise is from Hebrews 13:5 "I will never leave you or forsake you." I can say, without hesitation, that God has never left my side throughout this journey of mine. Sometimes the answers have come slower than I would have liked, and often times not in the way I would have envisioned, but God's love is constant and unconditional.

God has taken a broken vessel (me), and has shown His light through the cracks. I am humbled and thankful that you took time to read this Blog. I pray that it has inspired you to seek out a relationship with the one who went to the cross so that you can be free. Jesus makes promises, and He never breaks them.

-Sandy Boulware

Prayer for Salvation

There is not specific prayer that needs to be prayed word for word. It is just a humble statement between you and Jesus as you recognize all that He did because of His love for you. You don't need to clean up your life before saying this prayer. Jesus will help you find a way, through faith, to draw closer to Him.

Lord Jesus, I need You. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life and receive You as my Savior and Lord. Thank You for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Take control of the throne of my life. Make me the kind of person You want me to be.