Sandy's Journey of Faith: A Fresh Start

Sunday, August 22, 2010

A Fresh Start

Today is the last day of summer for our family. The girls go back to school tomorrow. Michelle starts her final year of elementary school. After ten years of being at Oak Mesa, we now begin the year of doing things for the last time. Rachel starts high school and talks endlessly about friends, classes, and her social activities. It is an exciting time, but sad for Jon and I when we look back and see how fast time has gone. Before we know it, we will be looking at colleges and getting ready to send her off into the world. This is the beginning of starting to prepare her (and us) for letting go.

Wow! I'm really depressed now!

It has been a great three months filled with family, friends, and fun. The best part of my summer is that I was off chemo and could enjoy being with my family. Every day I lived the gift that God gave me before the summer began, and I made good use of that gift! I had tests done last week and will get the results back on 8/31. I am hoping that my achy joints and very tender back are a result of the medication and my having too much fun. I would be so grateful if you would bend God's ear a little on making these tests favorable so that I can keep enjoying this freedom from weekly chemo.

Fresh starts are always good. It feels good to have new shoes, new backpacks, new notebooks. When September rolls around, I always feel the need to do some deep cleaning of the house. I clean the pantry and tell myself that I won't let it get that bad this time around. It is good to be hopeful!

I am always glad to have the benefit of fresh starts with my relationship with God. In the summer I get a bit lazy in the morning and sometimes I rush through our conversations. I look forward to a new schedule and a fresh start with Him as well. Did you know that some of the fake Gods that are worshipped around the world are not forgiving? I need a God that forgives and is slow to anger. My relationship with God is like (but better) a good friend who you don't talk to for a long time and then you pick up a conversation as if no time had ever passed. That is our relationship. He knows my heart. I most definitely don't let more than a day go without making a connection with God. He is truly my lifeline and my biggest support. Everything I enjoy I owe to His love for me.

"Rid yourselves of all the offenses you have committed, and get a new heart and a new spirit. Why will you die, O house of Israel?" (Ezekiel 18:31)

As I read through the Bible, I am reminded of all the fresh starts the Israelites were given by God. This is how we know that God is ready to forgive us when we turn to Him with repentant hearts. We can study His relationship with a group of people that consistently fell away and was enticed by false idols. Yet, when they realized their error, God was forgiving and gracious to them. I read these things and say to myself, "why didn't THEY learn their lesson!" But, if I look at my own life, I do the same things. Sadly, we all have a sinful nature. I sometimes get in a situation where I should have kept my mouth shut. Later, I beat myself up and say, "don't you ever learn?"

Forgiveness and repentance are a huge part of our relationship with Christ. We all fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). Because we have this sinful nature, we need to sometimes ask God to reveal those hidden sins so that we can deal with them before the consequences are more serious. Jesus died to wipe our slate clean and make us heirs of the riches of God. Was it worth it for Him? Jesus would say, "YES!" when we come to Him and seek His forgiveness.

"For the wages of sin are death, but the gift of God is eternal life." (Romans 6:23)

If you are one that needs a fresh start, you might want to start with a renewed relationship with God. On Monday morning after the kids are off to school, I will be starting a new morning routine with God at the center. I am looking forward to talking (confession and prayer), listening(quiet), and praising (walk with Ipod).

Dear God,
I don't want my heart to ever wander away from you. Fill me with your love, and help me to not have any hard heartedness in me. Help me to recognize my sin so I can confess and be made clean. I don't want to live with regret over my words, thoughts, or actions. Thank you for fresh starts and your amazing kindness that is better than life. Amen

Sandy

The Salvation Prayer

This prayer is an example of what to say to Jesus when you want Him to come into your heart. It is a humble statement between you and God that recognizes that we all fall short of being good enough to face God on our own. Jesus had to pay the price for our sins so we could come before God pure and blameless. You don't need to clean up your life before you pray this prayer. Jesus will come in and help you draw close to him.

Lord Jesus, I need You. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life and receive You as my Savior and Lord. Thank You for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Take control of the throne of my life. Make me the kind of person You want me to be.

My Journey (Revised 07/12/13)

Romans 8:28 says that in everything, God works for the good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

This is often a tough verse to swallow. We see our life falling down around us due to finances, broken relationships, or disease, and it becomes difficult to trust that God can work through these trials if we look for His purpose and trust in Him. There are times when it seems impossible for God to work anything for the good because things are so bad.

I was diagnosed with cancer in April 2007 when I had a stiff neck that would not go away. For four months I tried chiropractic care, massages, and stretching to try and loosen the knots that were all over my neck and down into my upper back. The stiff neck made sense to me because we had moved into a new house and I thought I had strained something.

Four months later I could not stand the pain any longer. I went back to my trusted chiropractor and he sent me to have an MRI. It was through that test that he saw something horribly wrong. My C5 vertebrae was gone, and my neck had collapsed! He called my husband and I into his office and told us the news that would change our life. There was some type of disease in my neck. He suspected that it was metastatic breast cancer.

We contacted City of Hope, and they asked me to get a bone scan. My life plunged further into darkness when the test came back showing lesions all over my bones. Several tests later, a small tumor in my breast was found, and I was officially diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic breast cancer. It is incurable.

My family decended into the valley of the shadow of death. It was a dark and painful time, and all of our lives changed forever. However, it was during that time God revealed His purpose for me. I have cherished my relationship with God all of my life. Because I had a spiritual foundation, when the bottom of my world dropped out from under me, I had a loving God to catch me. In many ways I feel that God had prepared me for this battle my entire life.

We shared the news with more family and friends, and the prayer support was amazing. I visualized the "switchboard in heaven" completely lit up with prayers for me. We tried to keep up the communication with everyone via e-mail, but a better solution came to mind.

On the eve of my surgery to repair my neck at City of Hope, I started a Blog, and called it "Sandy's Journey of Faith." Little did I know that this was the gift and ministry that God had been training me for. It started with us giving updates, and then turned into a forum in which I could share my faith as I walked hand in hand with Jesus through this trial. Jon would sometimes be a guest writer, and we were getting lots of interest and encouragement from everyone to keep it up.

I am still in awe that I can continue to write and share the ups and downs of living with cancer in such a powerful way. God uses our technology for His glory. I am just the typist, but God is the true writer of this Blog. There are often times when I wake up in the middle of the night (when it is the most quiet) and just start writing something that God has placed on my heart. It is a humbling journey to know that the God of this Universe cares about my Blog, and can use it.

I am forever thankful for the brilliant, and compassionate doctors at City of Hope. I trust them to do what is necessary to give me a good quality of life. My cancer journey has been a roller coaster of chemotherapy, radiation, surgeries, and on going treatments. I believe that God brings doctors into our lives to help us, but He is the ultimate physician, and I have seen miraculous healing as well.

My journey still involves metastasized cancer. God has His reasons for not healing me, and I have learned that His road for me is better that mine. Through it all, I have grown personally closer to Jesus, and I have seen miracles in the lives of people around me that are better gifts that the healing of cancer. When a loved one comes to know this amazing and loving God that I worship, my cancer journey is worth it.

There are hundreds of promises that God has made to those He calls His own. My favorite promise is from Hebrews 13:5 "I will never leave you or forsake you." I can say, without hesitation, that God has never left my side throughout this journey of mine. Sometimes the answers have come slower than I would have liked, and often times not in the way I would have envisioned, but God's love is constant and unconditional.

God has taken a broken vessel (me), and has shown His light through the cracks. I am humbled and thankful that you took time to read this Blog. I pray that it has inspired you to seek out a relationship with the one who went to the cross so that you can be free. Jesus makes promises, and He never breaks them.

-Sandy Boulware

Prayer for Salvation

There is not specific prayer that needs to be prayed word for word. It is just a humble statement between you and Jesus as you recognize all that He did because of His love for you. You don't need to clean up your life before saying this prayer. Jesus will help you find a way, through faith, to draw closer to Him.

Lord Jesus, I need You. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life and receive You as my Savior and Lord. Thank You for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Take control of the throne of my life. Make me the kind of person You want me to be.