It seems like a lifetime ago, yet it has only been a year. So much has happened this past year that the date almost got by me until I was sharing my story tonight at a softball pizza party, and it hit me that yesterday (May 11), was the day I met my Oncologist at City of Hope. My case had been transferred over to her because it had been discovered that I did not have bone cancer, but adeno carcinoma, which put me in a different category.
My Dad, step-mother, and Jon went with me that day to meet with Dr. Cathy Chung. She got right down to business, slowly but clearly describing what kind of cancer I had, and what the tests had revealed so far. Stage 4, incurable cancer, and we still did not know where it was originating from. It was like a bomb went off in the room, and we had all been hit. We all walked out of that room numb and in shock. I had to get blood drawn, and I remember the technicians were happy it was Friday, and they were talking among themselves about a trip to Vegas. I was sitting there taking it in and thinking, "I have just been told my life is over." I walked out into the hallway and took one look at Jon and I lost it. I sobbed hysterically as my Dad and Sandy, and the love of my life tried to comfort me. I cried not only for me, but for them for having to be there and hear the painful facts of my cancer. It was a quiet ride home. When we dropped off my Dad and Sandy, I asked them to make some calls for me because I was too distraught to talk to anyone. My Dad called my Mom and broke the news.
When Jon and I got home, I called my friend Margo to ask her to care for my girls a little longer while we tried to get ourselves together. We both cried over the news. Margo called Valerie Fee. Valerie called me and said she was coming over. When she arrived she walked straight up the stairs to my room and lied down beside me and we cried, and prayed. Later that night, Jon and I cried and prayed. Then we sent out an e-mail everyone, and I don't think there has been a day in the past year that God has not heard my named mentioned.
I don't tell this story for the shock value, or for anyone to feel sad for me. I tell this story because you might have a similar one. We live in a fallen world full of pain, and many of us have had a moment in our life when everything changed in a second. It is like the sun going down, and yet it is still day. Darkness rolls in, and it seems like the sun will never shine again. My family and I made it out of the darkness because of the hope we have in Jesus. He took the clouds and parted them with his promises. He shined His light so bright that Satan turned and ran the other way.
Last week I battled depression due to the medication I am on. The weather was dreary, and my senses were dulled, and it seemed like the sun would never come out. Once again, I had to rely on what I could not see to get me through. That is what hope is all about. The promise of something not seen.
Fear not, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed. I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will uphold you with my victorious right hand. Isaiah 41:10
What a promise! If you know Jesus, you are on the winning side! Never give up hope, the sun will not stay away forever.
Blessings,
Sandy
