This past week I had a CT Scan, which I do every four months to check the progress of the lesions on my liver. The results have been stable for about a year, but for some reason, I always seem to get bad news in the fall, so I was a little tense going into this scan. It is amazing how well I feel on my chemo drug, so I most certainly will take "stable", but of course I always pray for complete healing because I don't want to limit God.
This time, I had a different prayer than I have had before. I think I am often attacked by Satan because he does not like what I am doing. All summer I was attacked every Monday with something before the Bible study I did for middle school girls. Satan wants to discourage me, and he wants me to question God's purpose for me. Knowing that, I started to pray that God would completely protect me and not allow Satan to come close to me. I prayed that whatever happened with this scan, that I would accept that it was God's will for me and that I would have the courage to persist, even if my medication changed back to weekly infusions.
I am pleased to say that all of our prayers were answered! God did protect me, and He does have a plan, and for now it means that things are still stable. He even threw in an added bonus of a lesion that looks like it has shrunk. Hallelujah!!
What if the answer had been no? How many times have you (and I) prayed for something, and the answer was no? It sometimes feels as if we get more "no" than "yes". It is really hard when the answer is not what you wanted. It sometimes causes a cry out of, "What are you doing Lord?"
I have been there myself. I have wondered why God did not show His power and healing when I thought the timing would have been perfect. I have wondered why God did not save the day, or even grant a small request that would have not taken much effort on His part.
"God feeds the birds, but He doesn't throw the worms at them." - Patsy Claremont
There are many things I have learned as I have walked this journey of faith, and one is that God knows best. It is not that He is indifferent, or petty, or selfish, or arrogant, or power hungry. It is because He is gracious, wise, all powerful, merciful, and loving. God see the bigger picture, and the timing of what we want may not be good, or the thing we want the most may be detrimental to us. God uses our hard times to refine us and make us stronger. If He really gave us everything we need, we would be selfish and indulgent creatures who are weak and uninteresting. It is our own personal stories of triumph over tragedy that make this earth a hopeful place.
"Everything good that happens to you is because of how you act when life is not fair." - Patsy Claremont
When I prayed this week, while laying in a CT Scan, it was a prayer of, "Not my will Lord, but yours." Had it been His will to disrupt my life and shake things up, I would have accepted it. God would not have changed. My purpose would not have changed. At the end of the day, I would still choose to follow Christ.
When you are faced with an answer you don't like, keep your faith strong. The answer may be no now, but the timing may be right later. If it is something you feel strongly about, keep praying and seeking God's will. God may be saying yes to something else that is better for you.
Lovingly,
Sandy
