My journey of faith begins in December of 2006, when I woke up with a stiff neck. Over the next four months, the pain became increasingly worse. Finally, I had an MRI and two days later my husband and I were called into the doctor’s office and told that I had a broken neck. That is when the word cancer first came into our lives. That night, after we tucked our two young girls into bed, we held each other and prayed that it was all a big mistake.
The next week, a bone scan revealed that I had lesions all over my bones. I was fortunate to get into City of Hope, and after many tests, a 7mm tumor was found in my breast that had gone undetected by a mammogram. In what would be one of the lowest points of my life, I was told I have stage 4 breast cancer that had metastasized to my bones. What I have is incurable.
Those of you who have been in a place of being told horrific news can attest there is nothing more surreal that having your life change in an instant by one word. My family was instantly plunged into the valley of the shadow of death, and the fear and anxiety that resides in that valley can be consuming.
One of the questions I have been asked the most over the past four years is, “Sandy, how do you live with such joy and peace knowing that your life is hanging in the balance?” Another question often asked is, “How can you still trust in God when He has allowed this to happen to you?”
The peace that surpasses all understanding, which is written about in the Bible, came to me early on. When I started seeing how God had set in motion the smallest of details years ahead of my diagnosis, I was humbled. Not only had He given me an amazing husband, family, and support group, but the creator of the universe sent me an envelope that came in the mail the day after hearing the first horrible news. Actually, the envelope was from Anthony (our children’s minister), but the message was from God and would change my way of thinking from that point on.
Inside was a Sunday school lesson I was to teach to the kids that Sunday, and it was titled “God is at His best, when life is at its worst.” The verses that accompanied that lesson were Romans 8:28 that says,” All things can work to the good for those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose.” The second verse was from Hebrews 13:5 that says, “God will never leave me or forsake me.”
Because of my foundation in Christ, and my knowledge of the Word of God, I took both of these verses at face value because I know that God does not lie. If I live according to His purpose, and not my own, then He can work all things out AND through it all He will be by my side.
It all came down to wanting to do God’s will and realizing that I could be part of His masterpiece. Slowly I started to see how my situation was an opportunity to share my great love for Christ. And the more I shared, the more I became filled up with joy and peace. There was a direct correlation between the two. I gave it over to God, and in return he gave me something that has become priceless in my life, my Blog.
I started a Blog (a website that is accessed by the internet), where I could share my faith as I walked through pain, anxiety, disappointment, and triumph. It has become a ministry which completely astounds even me. I had never been much of a writer, but God asked me to be the typist, and I could not say no. Soon family and friends were sending others to my Blog for inspiration, and my Guestbook on the Blog started filling up with words of encouragement and prayer for me from people all over the world. It is always my hope that my Blog will touch people in whatever trial they are in. Today I average about 50-100 hits a week, and I have had almost 19,000 hits over the past four years.
Doing God’s will does not always come easy. Our own hopes and dreams come into play on a regular basis. It is a battle to keep putting God before myself. From the very beginning of my battle with cancer, I had a vision of God completely healing me so that I could be a walking miracle for Him. Although I will never give up on what I know God can do by is power and grace, I can also see how God has used my cancer (in all its stages) for His glory.
Over a year ago, the cancer metastasized to my liver. I was in complete shock because I was feeling so good, and I expected God would keep shrinking all of the lesions on my bones, not allow them to increase. Although I talk often about peace on my Blog, darkness overcame me again and the fear was very real. To be honest, I was a little ticked off at God because I thought I was doing everything possible to be a light for Him, and I guess I expected that He would be taking care of the cancer end of it.
For the first time, I would have to do weekly chemotherapy and lose my hair, and it was all overwhelming to me. It felt like I was taking 100 steps backwards. To be honest, I did not talk to God for a few days as I wrestled with my will vs. God’s will. In those two days it all came down one thing, did I believe enough in God’s Word to continue to trust Him.
The answer, for me, was yes.
I had already seen His magnificent work, and the impossible things that had become possible in my life and the lives around me. I really couldn’t imagine living without Him, and I knew that His ways are so much more creative and exciting than my own.
When I am asked how I live with such peace and joy knowing that cancer is constantly trying to consume me? I can only point upward and give the glory to God. When you have seen miracles, and felt the Holy Spirit at work, you can’t go back. You will endure whatever it takes to, even death, to hear the words “well done good and faithful servant.”
A year ago, God gave me an amazing gift when the lesion on my liver were suddenly gone. I was told that there was a less than 5% chance of this happening on the chemo I was on. My doctor and I agreed that prayer, and my faith in God, were to be given the credit. My healing was a gift that came right before summer. I stopped the weekly chemo, went on oral medication, threw my hot wig in the closet, and began to enjoy a new hassle free short hair do! As I look back on God’s timing, I am so thankful that I had submitted to His will. His timing truly takes my breath away! This past December the lesions came back, but I feel great and I am on a different treatment that allows me freedom this summer to travel with my family.
God has a purpose for everyone here today. Jesus lives for you too. If he can take an ordinary girl like me and give me the courage to live for Him, He will do the same for you. It is up to you to take the step toward Him and find out what gifts He has in store for you. The first step toward an intimate relationship with God is one of trust,
the steps after that may be the most exciting ones you have ever taken. It is my fervent prayer that you take those steps.
Sandy
