"Going a little further, Jesus fell with his face to the ground and prayed, 'Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.'" Matthew 26:39
On Tuesday, April 19, it will have been four years since life changed for my family. It is a day I will never forget. Jon and I were called into Dr. Woodward's office. We were told to come together. I have to admit, I never dreamed the word "cancer" would arise, but I knew something bad was going on with my neck.
When we walked into the office, the mood was somber. I will never forget the look on Dr. Woodward's face as he met us at the door of his office. It was a look of grief and pain. The rest is kind of a blur. Words like leukemia, bone cancer, and metastatic cancer were written on a MRI report. It was the first time I had ever heard of metastatic cancer. We left the office stunned and sick in the gut, and changed. Life would never be the same again.
After we got the girls to bed, Jon and I prayed. We prayed that this cup would pass. That is what Jesus prayed when he went into the garden before his arrest. He prayed the the cup of pain would pass, but then he prayed something even deeper. He prayed for God's will and not His own.
We did not pray for God's will. We prayed for a mistake. We prayed that someone saw something on that MRI report that was nothing. We pleaded for this to pass. Darkness overcame us that night. We were thrown into a deep valley, and the MRI report was not a mistake. Our new normal had begun, and we could not help but yearn for April 18th, the last day of our former care free life. The cup never passed.
Jesus' prayer in the garden is a model of how we should pray when we are faced with pain, brokeness, anger, grief, and sickness. We can always go to God honestly with our request, but then there is the submission to the will of the Father. There are times, like with Jesus, that God needs for us to drink from the cup of sorrow and suffering. The easy way is not always God's will, and had Jesus taken the easy way, God's plan of redemption for the world would have never happened.
This week we meditate on the events that happened before the death and resurrection of Jesus. He entered Jeruselem with shouts of praise, but by the end of the week those shouts turned into hatred and disappointment. They thought he came to save them from Rome, but Jesus really came as the Messaiah to save us all from our own sin.
The cup did not pass for Jon and I four years ago, but had God answered that prayer, we would not be where we are today. Our relationship with Christ is deeper, stronger, and more purposeful than ever. When we got to the point of saying, "Your will, not ours" we found healing, strength, protection, joy, peace, hope, love... the gifts still keep coming!
I pray that you take the time this week to really feel the full impact of what it means to submitt our pain and suffering to the will of God. Jesus knew what was coming. He knew the physical and mental anguish He would have to endure, and that He would be separated from His Father. It is beautiful to know that Jesus understands fully our agony.
"Jesus, there are times when I just want the pain to go away, but then I think of the pain you suffered for me, and I feel humbled. You paid the ultimate price for my sins, and so I want to give back to you every piece of my life. More than healing, I just want to be obediant to you. I desire to be your servant and do your will until my last breath is taken. Your love is better than life. I pray that the days you give me will count for something. I can never repay you for the joy and purpose you have given me, but I can sure spend the rest of my life trying! I love you so very much. Thank you for four amazing years! I am ready to see what miracles you have waiting for me in the years to come!" Love, Sandy
