Sandy's Journey of Faith: Listen

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Listen

Hi,
I waited all last week to hear news from my doctor on what road I could pursue to take care of the pain I have in my legs. Friday she called to give me the go ahead to meet with the Radiation Oncologist. I don't have that appointment set up yet. So I am still waiting for answers. Meanwhile, I am managing the pain, which gets worse on the weekends when I am doing too much with my family.

Sitting around is very hard for me to do. I generally have three or more things going at once. If I am not doing something, I feel lazy. I am a doer. It has been hard to force myself to relax and not sit at the computer too long. If I am in the yard I want to pick weeds. If I am watching television, then I am either scrapbooking or folding clothes. Thankfully, Jon is a huge help in many, if not all, of these areas.

1 King 19:9-12 tells the story of Elijah who wanted God to come down in a dramatic way so that the world would know that He is the true God. He expected God to come down like a strong wind, or an earthquake. Instead God came and spoke to Elijah in a "still small voice."

In my life I have expected God to work in dramatic and powerful ways. I want Him to heal me quickly, so that I can move on with (my) plans. I want God to do something earth shattering! Instead God has decided to come down in gentle way, and He is teaching me that I need to slow down and listen to His commands and direction for my life. This is not an easy lesson. It is hard enough to listen to my body and not push myself too much. Listening to God takes patience, a good chunk of quiet time, and the desire to get into His Word, which is where he likes to speak to us.

When I listen to God, I find strength that I did not know I had. When I listen, I have hope and a healthy spirit. Today I have peace that whatever the outcome is on my current pain issues, God is still in control and using my life for His purpose. God's calm voice tells me not to be afraid, for He is the Lord God Almighty. I can rest in Him and let him do the work.

When I wake up in the middle of the night with pain, I have started turning it into a time a praise and worship before God. It is comforting to know that we have a God that never sleeps and appreciates our conversation with Him during a time that most people would not be happy to be woken up for a conversation.

He who forms the mountains, creates the wind, and reveals his thoughts to man, He who turns dawn to darkness, and treads the high places of the earth-the Lord God Almighty is His name. Amos 4:13

Take time to listen this week. As we enter into Holy Week, we should be in God's Word and listening to what He wants for us. I gave up many of my distractions for lent so that I could focus on hearing God's voice. I still fight the urge to fill those voids with other junk that keeps me from being quiet and listening to God's voice.

We are so fortunate to have a God that wants to talk to us. Let's not take it for granted.

God Bless,
Sandy

The Salvation Prayer

This prayer is an example of what to say to Jesus when you want Him to come into your heart. It is a humble statement between you and God that recognizes that we all fall short of being good enough to face God on our own. Jesus had to pay the price for our sins so we could come before God pure and blameless. You don't need to clean up your life before you pray this prayer. Jesus will come in and help you draw close to him.

Lord Jesus, I need You. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life and receive You as my Savior and Lord. Thank You for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Take control of the throne of my life. Make me the kind of person You want me to be.

My Journey (Revised 07/12/13)

Romans 8:28 says that in everything, God works for the good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

This is often a tough verse to swallow. We see our life falling down around us due to finances, broken relationships, or disease, and it becomes difficult to trust that God can work through these trials if we look for His purpose and trust in Him. There are times when it seems impossible for God to work anything for the good because things are so bad.

I was diagnosed with cancer in April 2007 when I had a stiff neck that would not go away. For four months I tried chiropractic care, massages, and stretching to try and loosen the knots that were all over my neck and down into my upper back. The stiff neck made sense to me because we had moved into a new house and I thought I had strained something.

Four months later I could not stand the pain any longer. I went back to my trusted chiropractor and he sent me to have an MRI. It was through that test that he saw something horribly wrong. My C5 vertebrae was gone, and my neck had collapsed! He called my husband and I into his office and told us the news that would change our life. There was some type of disease in my neck. He suspected that it was metastatic breast cancer.

We contacted City of Hope, and they asked me to get a bone scan. My life plunged further into darkness when the test came back showing lesions all over my bones. Several tests later, a small tumor in my breast was found, and I was officially diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic breast cancer. It is incurable.

My family decended into the valley of the shadow of death. It was a dark and painful time, and all of our lives changed forever. However, it was during that time God revealed His purpose for me. I have cherished my relationship with God all of my life. Because I had a spiritual foundation, when the bottom of my world dropped out from under me, I had a loving God to catch me. In many ways I feel that God had prepared me for this battle my entire life.

We shared the news with more family and friends, and the prayer support was amazing. I visualized the "switchboard in heaven" completely lit up with prayers for me. We tried to keep up the communication with everyone via e-mail, but a better solution came to mind.

On the eve of my surgery to repair my neck at City of Hope, I started a Blog, and called it "Sandy's Journey of Faith." Little did I know that this was the gift and ministry that God had been training me for. It started with us giving updates, and then turned into a forum in which I could share my faith as I walked hand in hand with Jesus through this trial. Jon would sometimes be a guest writer, and we were getting lots of interest and encouragement from everyone to keep it up.

I am still in awe that I can continue to write and share the ups and downs of living with cancer in such a powerful way. God uses our technology for His glory. I am just the typist, but God is the true writer of this Blog. There are often times when I wake up in the middle of the night (when it is the most quiet) and just start writing something that God has placed on my heart. It is a humbling journey to know that the God of this Universe cares about my Blog, and can use it.

I am forever thankful for the brilliant, and compassionate doctors at City of Hope. I trust them to do what is necessary to give me a good quality of life. My cancer journey has been a roller coaster of chemotherapy, radiation, surgeries, and on going treatments. I believe that God brings doctors into our lives to help us, but He is the ultimate physician, and I have seen miraculous healing as well.

My journey still involves metastasized cancer. God has His reasons for not healing me, and I have learned that His road for me is better that mine. Through it all, I have grown personally closer to Jesus, and I have seen miracles in the lives of people around me that are better gifts that the healing of cancer. When a loved one comes to know this amazing and loving God that I worship, my cancer journey is worth it.

There are hundreds of promises that God has made to those He calls His own. My favorite promise is from Hebrews 13:5 "I will never leave you or forsake you." I can say, without hesitation, that God has never left my side throughout this journey of mine. Sometimes the answers have come slower than I would have liked, and often times not in the way I would have envisioned, but God's love is constant and unconditional.

God has taken a broken vessel (me), and has shown His light through the cracks. I am humbled and thankful that you took time to read this Blog. I pray that it has inspired you to seek out a relationship with the one who went to the cross so that you can be free. Jesus makes promises, and He never breaks them.

-Sandy Boulware

Prayer for Salvation

There is not specific prayer that needs to be prayed word for word. It is just a humble statement between you and Jesus as you recognize all that He did because of His love for you. You don't need to clean up your life before saying this prayer. Jesus will help you find a way, through faith, to draw closer to Him.

Lord Jesus, I need You. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life and receive You as my Savior and Lord. Thank You for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Take control of the throne of my life. Make me the kind of person You want me to be.